One-Second Movie Reviews
Haven’t got time to read long, drawn-out movie reviews? Good, because I haven’t got time to write them! Here, I offer you the most concise critiques imaginable of all the films I can remember well enough to describe so succinctly.
| 300 | Unnaturally pretty men kicking butt—a good time. |
|---|---|
| Frenzy | The Saw of its time, only with more finesse. |
| Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets | Where is Peeves?! |
| Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire | Yeah, because that dragon breaking free and no one doing anything is sooo likely. |
| Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix | A good rendition of my favorite book in the series. |
| Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban | A breath of fresh air after Columbus’s crap. |
| Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone | Sugary sludge compared to the book. |
| The Grudge | Cheesy horror scenes to the point of being funny. |
| The Matrix | Makes me want to don pleather and kick some butt. |
| The Ring | Holy shit, he shouldn’t have helped the little girl! |
| Unleashed | Awesome fight scenes with an emotional backing. |
| Vertigo | Just when you think it’s over, Jimmy Stewart gets crazier. |