I just found, courtesy of Fark, this article: Boston mom calls 911 over son’s video game habit. I’m just flabbergasted. Really? You feel the need to call emergency services because you suck as a mom? I have a few suggestions for getting your son off the game console:

1. Tell him to stop.
2. Threaten him with loss of privileges, and actually follow through with the threats. Though really, I don’t have much hope of this working if the mom can’t make her child obey and resorts to calling 911.
3. Slap him and force him to stop. This might be especially effective if the mother has never physically disciplined her child which, if she resorted to calling 911 because he wouldn’t stop playing Grand Theft Auto, I think we can assume she’s never done more than mumble “Stop. Behave. Don’t do that.” If she went from that kind of attitude to a sharp slap on the face with firm instructions to get his ass in bed before she breaks his game, he might be shocked into behaving.
4. Unplug the game, preferably in the middle of his unsaved progress.
5. Go get a hammer, frying pan, heavy book, paperweight, something. Don’t even say anything to the child, just drop/slam/otherwise bust the game console. He wants another one? He can buy it himself… After he has gone to bed. An even better alternative was suggested by a commenter on Fark: take his console away and donate it to charity. That way, some other child, one hopefully more obedient, can still enjoy the console, but your punk-ass kid cannot.

I have worries about being a mother myself because I’ve never had a strong, commanding voice. I have trouble getting dogs to obey me, let alone some more intelligent creature that might outsmart me. It’s my hope that, should I have children, I have quiet, shy children that are content to read or play with blocks and just be quiet and obedient. I was a pretty shy, quiet child myself, so this might be reasonable.