I was just reading the latest entry on Atourworst, Apparently Dreamweaver is a time-saving software, and it made me wonder not for the first time why folks online are often mean. On so many sites, I find sneering attitudes from nearly all the posters. If you ever read comments on Digg or Fark, everyone makes fun of everyone else, often harshly. If a person isn’t making ad hominem attacks, they’re completely rebuking your ideas.
On Fark, for example, the comments threads always seem take these stances:
- Christianity is stupid, therefore if you are a Christian, you are stupid;
- Bush is stupid;
- Government is evil;
- Children are worthless; see crotch droppings;
- All celebrities are morons;
- Everyone from Florida is brainless.
And the list goes on. Whether you agree with any of those statements/stereotypes or not is irrelevant; what I’m getting at is that there may be 300 or more comments about a story on Fark, and the majority of them all follow those ideas above. You’ll occasionally get a dissenting opinion, and it’s often more well written than the hundred others surrounding it. It gets ridiculous after a while; you read Digg or Fark comments long enough and you get to where you can predict what any random person will say.
What I want to know is if everyone online is just an asshole. I’ve talked with Todd before why he thinks so many normal people turn into jerks when they get on the Internet, and he and I agree it’s because of the anonymity. Sure, I may know you call yourself Jordan on your web site, but I don’t know if that’s even your real name, let alone if you’re completely making up your online persona. I’m referring to Jordan of Atourworst, who apparently gets enjoyment out of upsetting some other jerk online about Dreamweaver and web development (see the blog entry linked above). I guess I’m just wondering what the point of all of it is.
It seems like all the “e-drama” I find online within the sites at Perfection and Snark is caused by people that use lolcat terminology way too often. By that I mean half their sentences consist of slang like “srsly,” “ZOMG”, “plzkthx”, and other terms used in cat macros. If I find someone trying to point out the flaws in another person’s site or character, I tend to think they’re just in it for the hits if they’re talking like that, as opposed to writing a serious article about something they really believe in.
There’s entirely too much talk of how some random person is being a “complete n00b” and how they’re just ridiculous for using some application/believing whatever/acting a certain way. Have people like Jem, who has a huge following and frequently writes derogatory posts about other online identities and sites, made this sort of thing popular? I’d hate to blame Jem for this trend in its entirety, but I have to think she has a lot to do with it, at least in the little web scene I’m part of.
My theory is that a lot of the bloggers that visit her site try to emulate her, whether they claim to hate her because they received a Pants award or for some other reason, or because they like her writing. Like her or not, I bet a thought running through the mind of her copiers is, “hey, this site gets a lot of hits, maybe if I trash talk everything and present myself as a sassy, sneering grump, I’ll be popular, too!” Not to say that Jem herself is a grump, because she has seemed like a regular person when I’ve spoken to her via email, but on her web site, she certainly presents that same better-than-you attitude. Hell, her site’s motto is “ultimately better than you.”
In real life, you may appreciate someone’s sense of sarcasm, but I doubt you like hanging out with people that are always:
- Complaining about one thing or another;
- Putting you or others down; or
- Taking a scornful attitude toward everything.
If this attitude isn’t appreciated in real life, why is it so often found online? There’s a big disconnect between the common statement of personal bloggers, “I don’t care what people think,” and the reality that, if they didn’t care what others thought, they wouldn’t be posting their opinions, beliefs, and rants in such a public medium as the Internet. It’s as if some of the desirable qualities of a friend in real life are exactly opposite online, or at least some people act like that by portraying themselves as they do.
Maybe the e-drama trend exists for the same reason there are shows like The Soup and Best Week Ever, and blogs like The Superficial: trash talk sells. Those three examples all deal with celebrity scandals, and the hosts/writers mock said celebrities to no end. Anyone who ends up on those pretty much gets lambasted, and a lot of personal sites are like that toward other personal sites. Posting controversial content on your blog will generate comments, too, and it’s nice to get feedback on your ideas. I think a lot of people just try to stir up controversy for the sake of controversy, though, and that gets old after a while.
A lot of it stems from a lack of maturity, too, I think, since so many of the blogs whose owners are the most condescending are all of 15. I was a jaded, grouchy teenager myself, so I can understand how someone who is already pissed off at the world could use their blog as a place to vent about everyone that gets in their way. Then as some people have pointed out, some folks are just assholes, plain and simple, and that carries over into how they act online. It seems like a really jaded, unrealistic view of the world to see the majority of its inhabitants as being mean-spirited, though. I think most people take an indifferent to caring attitude toward others, based on my experience with people around me from different cultures, religions, and geographical regions.
What it comes down to is that a lot of people online, for whatever reason, don’t write civilly. They get hot under their collars and their arguments all show that. It’s like anytime you get on a heated subject, the Internet turns into an epsiode of the Jerry Springer show. Arguments happen all the time in real life, but you’re not perpetually surrounded by people yelling and throwing chairs, so why should the equivalent happen so much online?
Edit: TIME has noticed this trend as well: see their article Post Apocalypse. — 2008-07-13
14 Comments
I don’t know about whether or not people are trying to be like me (pretending to be humble here) but for the record, I’m exactly the same offline – a sarcastic, grumpy twat that’s always complaining about one thing or another – and I’m sure Amelie, Karl or even my boss would be willing to back that up ;)
i’m not overly involved in e-drama, but I do like to comment on it. I think I just like to comment on everything :P
I probably am meaner on the internet because of, as you mentioned, the anonymity.
Part of the reason why I don’t really post on Snark anymore is because of the e-drama that surrounds a lot of the members there. I got sick of the holier than thou attitude of half the regulars. I find it pretty sad that some people have nothing better to do with their time than sit online and bully people.
Definitive answer to your question:
http://us.st11.yimg.com/us.st.yimg.com/I/yhst-34640480252896_1969_642340
I haven’t been around Snark much for the same reason as Melissa’s. Too much drama, and I have no patience or energy for people who love to spark drama. I do secretly enjoy them from afar, but I know when I’ve had enough.
That’s probably why I’m not so popular online too. I don’t spark any drama at all. I like being the nice one.
Well said. Now if only we could get everyone else to start thinking like us.
What crap. I was getting thousands of hits a day before I ever started the Pants Awards or reviewing. Furthermore, I know plenty of people way nicer than me with more hits and visitors.
People are just assholes, there is no explaination.
I imagine it would be because of the anonymity. Anyone can easily ‘create’ an identity that is nothing like them, and if it’s all online then hardly anything that happens in their online life could ’spill over’ into their offline life, which if far more important.
Also, it’s so easy to ’step out’ of it all: All you have to do is delete whatever was causing the problem, where as in real life you actually have to mend whatever damage you did etc.
Or… It could just be the fact that people get kicks from it? I’m not overly involved in e-drama, but I do admit that I find it funny. Sometimes. Occasionally… A lot.
Ha, sorry for the rambly comment, but I agree with most of what you said! …Except for the thing about e-drama and age. I don’t think it’s a good thing to say that all teenagers are “jaded and grouchy”, when it’s probably just a convenient stereotype. Heck, I’m 16, but I definitely don’t hate the world.
Either way, good post. You have a fine point. :)
what the hells this?
Really nicely said.
After reading a bunch of comments to YouTube videos, this question came to mind. People seemed to forget that another human put effort into creating the video they are ripping apart, with no expectation of being paid.
But the obvious and quick answer of being able to hide behind a screen name doesn’t mesh with me.
Maybe I’m trying to be optimistic, but I’d like to think that the average person would start shouting in the face of old ladies or announcing themselves better than all those around them the second they get ahold of a mask.
I think that it has a lot to do with people being more passionate about saying, “you’re a douche!!!” than “hey, nicely done.”
So if you have a thousand readers, 800 may think your blog is well done, but the ones who are going to be vocal are the ones you’ve angered.
Name calling starts when one or more persons feel inferior and have to do something; which online is writing. And to get attention, the bullies get nasty fast to get a good first punch in hopes of a TKO. Usually the name labeling is something that won’t get them banned from chat like twit or prude, but enough of a supposed insult to make the bullies feel good about trying to victimize anyone new or nice. When the attacked don’t react, the bullies take it as a sign of weakness, when really it’s not worth the time or effort to respond – the bullies are ALWAYS seen for the jerks they are. Well, unless someone is so desperate for attention that they think the bullies are witty or fun. When the legitimately attacked try to respond, then the mob mentality takes over and it’s a feeding frenzy on one or more persons with the rest taking their jabs. It turns into a junior high school food fight with words and gets messy. Nobody wins yet some are happy with their venom being spewed saying “see there, I got her/him good!”. If they only saw how others see them – total idiots picking on people they don’t know online. Nobody respects or likes the bullies. But don’t tell the bullies that – they actually think they are popular.
Then there’s the miserable loner who has been abused by everyone in her life who looks for attention, and makes up stories about others to get sympathy. She lives in a virtual world with her online “friends” as her only entertainment and writes stupid, untruthful, sad and miserable blogs about things nobody cares about in hopes that someone/anyone will care to be on her friends list. Most stay away since she is so lost.
Then there’s the online chatters who have known each other for years, but only online, and spend many hours every day sitting in a box talking about food, sex, gossip and what a great life they live. Since they have no real life, no real friends, live in a cheap apt or single wide in a bad part of town (or in mommy’s basement because of heart issues, lol), they make up stories about others, usually when the attacked is not around so they can really gossip. Sad when over 40 crowd spends their Friday and Saturday nights talking about others who are NOT online because the chatters have nothing better to do but sit in front of a computer and get high, drunk or naked alone.
People who live mostly online, will die alone, online and without any meaning to their words. An example of this in May, 2008 was a jerk that in real life was a 58 year old real estate agent in Naples, Florida who harassed women on many different dating sites. When he was rejected by pretty women, he got mean, got revenge and revealed his real personality. Only a few liked him, and those women were on the least desirable list of anybody’s list. His “best friend” was a naked Latino woman who also lives in Florida and would openly share her webcam views with anyone while talking trashy in an open chat room. She is easy to find online, just search.
It’s easy to see why some are a$$holes on line… the easy women are entertained, the moderators don’t want to deal with them, and the other losers think its cool to vent their anger and issues onto someone else. That is so much easier than spending time on themselves and making the world an easier place for all.
Wow, well said. (:
I think angel described the process well.
It happened to me once and was completely shocking. It was on this website where there are apparently “regulars” who read posts where people ask for advice, and then rather than actually offer any advice, they just virtually assault the person and then others join in until it’s one giant orgy of hatred.
Like angel said, when I tried to respond with kindness, in order to clarify, people just got even more aggressive. It’s like they were just feeding off the energy. Now I can look back and laugh at it, but it was quite disturbing at the time, because I really don’t socialize with people who treat others that way in real life. So I was completely taken aback.
I dunno… didn’t these people have parents that taught them manners? That kind of behavior is just so foreign to me. …thank God. I really do feel sorry for people who grew up listening to people talk to each other that way.