cheating and ripping journals

I thought Todd was cheating on me because he kept hanging out with three other girls. One was named Hope and looked like Lindsay Lohan, another was named Jessica and looked like a girl I knew in high school, and the other was named Jenny and was very bony with a horse face. Any time Todd and I would be walking together and he would say he was going to hang out with one of them, I would get angry, say it was fine, and immediately stop walking with him and head off on my own. This happened in Wal-mart when we were walking down an aisle; I started walking through one of the clothing sections, weaving between the racks of clothes. He got annoyed that I would always just walk off and say that it wasn’t a problem rather than telling him how I felt. He started hanging out with the girls more, I think to have someone in which to confide his problems with me. This angered me because he barely knew these girls, and I didn’t want him telling them our private business nor secrets about me.

My parents’ house was like a girls dormitory and Hope, Jenny, and I lived there. My cousin Tessa was there as well, and I got her to write in lipstick on the wall of my own room, “Don’t sleep with my man.” We then went downstairs and talked to one of the resident advisors, telling them some girl had written it on our wall. The R.A. got all the girls together and sat us down for a meeting about being nice to one another, as well as not taking anyone else’s boyfriend. Todd came by and stood in the hallway, listening. He thought the meeting was interesting and wondered who was cheating on whom. That made me wonder if he wasn’t cheating on me after all.

The dream shifted and I was back in Wal-mart. This time, I was hanging around with Jessica, who was browsing clothes or something, I don’t remember. She got very catty with me and advised me to be nicer to Todd, then said something about some problem I had told Todd about that she shouldn’t have known about, and I got very angry because Todd had been telling private things to these girls. Jessica left and I went to find Todd. I found both him and Jenny together, so I had them sit down and I started to yell at them both. They would try to interrupt me and I’d cut them off, telling them I didn’t want to hear it. Jenny pulled out a binder with note paper and started to write a journal entry about “Todd’s crazy girlfriend.” I grabbed that sheet and all the other sheets, also journal entries, and ripped them up. She jumped up, angry, and yelled about getting me back.

I told Jenny that I liked her just fine, but I didn’t trust her and I didn’t want her around Todd all the time. Todd started to say something but I cut him off by saying, “And you. I don’t even know what to say to you. I trusted you!” I told them it was through with me and Todd and that I didn’t want to see either of them again. I then left, going through more racks of clothes. They chased me, trying to talk, wanting me to stop and listen to them. I tried to hide sitting down behind a rack of little boys’ clothes but they found me. At this point, I just jumped up and left the store.

I walked out through the parking lot. It was night outside and I was wearing a teal sweater with jeans. As I walked, I was singing some song about not needing anybody and standing on my own. Todd came out behind me and tried to get me to stop so we could talk, but I kept walking.

Analysis

I never heard much from Todd at all during the dream. It was mostly me and the girls talking, probably because every time Todd would try to talk, I would interrupt him. I don’t even know if Todd was cheating on me because I never let him explain anything. I don’t know why almost every scene took place in a Wal-mart, either, and always in the clothing sections.