You’ve probably heard the stereotype that women can’t drive. That’s a popular stereotype because it’s true so darn often. I’m so sick and tired of bad drivers in this city. I commute to and from work daily, as well as making at least one trip between Todd’s apartment and mine, so I experience a lot of crappy driving. Let’s run through some of my favorites:

Pretty girl in a pretty car

This is the one I encountered about fifteen minutes ago on my way to Todd’s. I’m driving along and see a brunette in this nice black sedan inching out from a cross street. I think to myself, naively, “She’s not turning out, I’m right here.” I give a light honk on my horn to signal the obvious, “Ma’am, you may be unaware that your nose is about to get busted by my front end.” As she continues inching forward into my lane as I come along at a stately 40, I think again, “This idiot is not turning out because I am right here.” When she didn’t stop, I got the picture and braked. She rolls on out like the fucking light had changed in her favor and I proceed to lean on my horn and flip her off. Idiot.

Anyone in an SUV

I’ve gotten to the point where I just regard anyone driving an SUV to be about forty points lower on the IQ scale. For anyone to buy a vehicle that gets such poor gas mileage in the first place, when all they’re going to be doing is transporting one person around in city traffic, indicates that they’re not playing with a full deck. However, half the time when I have need to honk at another driver (read: jackass), said driver is in an SUV. These are always the ones to not be paying attention when the light changes, causing my level of annoyance to steadily rise for each millisecond that I sit still at a green light when I’m second in line.

People that avoid the turn lane like the plague

There’s a turn lane for a reason, which the name implies: for turning. Wow, novel. I can’t count how many people I’ve been behind that will start braking, and not just light drop-5-mph braking but big drop-20-mph braking, while in a lane of heavy traffic. Just the other day, I was driving in the leftmost lane, cars all around, and the ass in front of me decides he’s not going to get in the empty turn lane to our left to do his braking, he’s going to do it while in the main road, thus slowing down me and everyone behind us. When he finally did decide to get in the turn lane, he just eased his butt over like there wasn’t a stream of other cars behind him, waiting for his pathetic ass to get in gear and turn the wheel an inch more to the left. I honked my horn, he got in the lane, and I squeezed around him. Ridiculous.