Three till Seven

Archive for April, 2005

2 Apr 05 visiting relatives

I’m at my aunt and uncle’s house currently. I came with my cousins yesterday to visit for the weekend. I’ve spent my time so far reading the fifth Harry Potter book, which Ashlee loaned to me as I can’t find my own copy (thanks, girl), and doing laundry. I plan on studying for an economics test this weekend, but not quite yet. I think I’m going to visit my grandmother later today, which would be great as I’ve not seen her since Christmas. It’s been raining again today, not surprisingly. We had maybe two good days of pleasant weather last week before the gloomy, wintery weather returned. At least I don’t have to walk around campus to class or work today; yay for being able to stay indoors as long as I like. I’d like to be playing The Sims 2 right now, but as my uncle definitely doesn’t have that installed, I suppose I’ll content myself with reading Harry Potter. I think I’ll make a sandwich beforehand, though, since there’s some really good pork BBQ in the fridge.

I just realized this is a very random and disjointed-seeming entry; sorry about that, folks.

4 Apr 05 mercy killings

Note: This was a dream of mine. I have this warning here because some visitors have thought my life had just gone to pot, when really they were only reading one of my crazy dreams. :)

I for some reason wanted to raise someone from the dead, and this was apparently very possible, as there was a whole business of raising the dead. My dad was going to let me. He took me on a tour of several foggy fields in which there were coffins resting on the ground and on short platforms. It was a gray and misty day; kind of dim. Dad was wearing an old winter coat that was really worn out; I don’t know what I was wearing.

The dream skipped to a point where I had had a zombie raised for me. It was some very moldy blonde girl. She was in a dirty white tank top and baggy pants; dirt and dried blood were streaked through her hair and across her face. She kept following me around, although I was trying to hide from her. I was scared of the zombies now, thinking they were going to hurt me. I told my dad as much and he asked me what I had expected. We got to talking about euthanasia, which was apparently related to the zombies somehow. My dad said they were mercy killings, although I can’t remember what he meant by this.

The dream skipped again and I was running around on the headers of a large warehouse; surprisingly, it was easy to stay balanced on the thin beams. It was nighttime and I was running from a friend of mine, Kim. She was angry with me and wanted to kill me. She looked similar to the blonde zombie from earlier. There were a lot of people around us, allowing me to get lost in the crowd. Fires were burning down below in the warehouse and the smoke drifted up to us. I ran around a tall vertical beam, thinking I had lost Kim, but then she came up behind me. I turned to see her and she yelled at me about something. Deciding to get it over with, I ran toward her and we backed toward a large gap between the headers. We grappled with one another for only a few seconds before I shoved her through the gap. She fell several stories to the concrete below; I couldn’t see her land, but I knew she had been killed. I dusted my hands off on my pants legs, completely unconcerned about her death, although I was slightly annoyed because I apparently had to keep killing people.

The dream changed perspective to third person and the camera zoomed out, then moved down through the headers to the concrete floor way below. It zoomed in on Kim’s head in a fire; the skin of her face had turned to dark gray ash. The rest of her body was buried somehow.

8 Apr 05 weekend plans, coffee lap

Just returned from work. Had a game of Warcraft III with the coworkers before leaving; yay, I didn’t come in last and my team won. I played as the undead, as usual.

I plan to spend this weekend studying calculus and CS in preparation for two tests on Tuesday. I also need to write a paper for honors about the existence of God and another paper for Spanish about an exhibit of pre-Columbian art that’s being displayed on campus. It also wouldn’t hurt to work on program 5 for CS, as it’s due shortly.

Oh, fun, I just spilled frappuccino in my lap.

I’ve found a new song that I love: Evolution Revolution Love by Tricky. See extended entry for the lyrics. Tricky’s voice is, as usual, very sexy and deep. Gotta love that; deep voices in guys are hella sexy.

Tricky :
Now that you got it right
Bring love and it’ll make it alright
Bring love and we’ll take it tonite
Now that you got it right
Who wants the sinner
Coming round for dinner
Who needs effects
Who needs to pay for sex
When they drop the bomb?
Who will stay calm
Blood would spill
Who would you kill?
Ed Kowalczyk :
Now that I understand this right
Let me take it to the mike
This revolution
(Has just begun)
Has just begun

Now that I understand this right
Let me take it to the mike
This revolution
Has just begun

Hawkman :
Walking down the street with my little rude gun
Top of my gun pocket for fun
Block on my tongue
Top of my earth
Tip of my birth
Top of my earth
Tip of my breast
Top of my chest
Tip of my guess
I’ve got the singles
I got the jingles
Bet you eat pringles with chris kringles
Walking on the road with my little rude gun

Ed Kowalczyk :
Now that I understand this right
Let me take it to the mike
This revolution
(Has just begun)
Has just begun

Now that I understand this right
Let me take it to the mike
This revolution
Has just begun

Tricky :
Stepping on the street with my little rude girl
Tip of my toes
Top of my world
Top of my earth
Top of my rock
Tip of my block
Now that you got it right
Bring love and I’ll make it alright
bring love and we’ll take it tonite
now that you got it right

Ed Kowalczyk :
Now that I understand this right
Let me take it to the mike
This revolution
(Has just begun)
Has just begun

Hawkman :
She was born in the ghetto
outside the bronx
in a project blocks
where time stands still
it don’t tick it don’t tock
Top of my sun
Keep all my love
Top of my chest
Tip of my breast
Top of my earth
Walking on the road
With my soul in my hand
Tip on my toes
Top of my span

Ed Kowalczyk :
Now that I understand this right
Let me take it to the mike
This revolution
(Revolution has just begun)
Has just begun

Now that I understand this right
Let me take it to the mike
This revolution
Has just begun
Just begun
Just begun

Ed Kowalczyk :
Now that I understand this right
Let me take it to the mind
This revolution
(Has just begun)
Has just begun
Now that I understand this right
Let me take it to the mike
This revolution
(Has just begun)
Has just begun
Now that you’ve got it right
– Evolution Revolution Love by Tricky

9 Apr 05 God’s Existence by Rational Argument

The existence of God can be rationally proven, and Thomas Aquinas does a better job of this than Anselm. Aquinas uses strictly logical reasoning while Anselm starts off with a biased attitude; his opinion is clearly shown by his quotation from the Bible: “unless I believe, I shall not understand,” (Isa. 7:9). No such traces are evident in the works of Aquinas, whether in an obvious form such as a religious excerpt or in his argument’s logic itself. If only because of this, one is able to take Aquinas’ assertions more seriously than Anselm’s, because there is no sense of proclivity toward Christianity in his work.

Beyond the obvious leaning toward Christianity that Anselm has, his arguments make less sense because he claims things to be true without giving reasons why. “But clearly that than which a greater cannot be thought cannot exist in the understanding alone. For if it is actually in the understanding alone, it can be thought of as existing also in reality, and this is greater,” (Ans., Prosl.). In this excerpt, Anselm is trying to say that God, the entity than which a greater cannot be thought, must exist because reality is greater than understanding, and so if we can think of God, God exists. That is because if we can think of It as existing in reality, God would be less than if It actually did exist in reality, and so God must therefore exist in reality in order to be the greatest thing.

The curious part about this argument is that it only works for God; that is, one cannot say that because a purple unicorn can be thought of, that that purple unicorn exists. This is a very circular argument that Anselm makes, as it assumes that God is a special being in that the argument works only for It, and not for other beings, but this itself presents a problem because, for the argument to work, one has to assume that God exists to be a special being. This is pointless, of course, because the whole point that Anselm was trying to prove was that God exists; in order to do that, the argument cannot presuppose that God exists.

Anselm also goes on to write, “Thou so truly art, then, O Lord my God, that thou canst not even be thought of as not existing,” (Ans., Prosl.), and, “no one who understands what God is can think that God does not exist,” (Ans., Prosl.), both of which are quite false, as atheists believe exactly what Anselm is saying cannot be believed. Perhaps a rebuke by Anselm might be that these atheists then do not understand God, otherwise they would believe in It, but that presents a problem as well. That being, can any human understand God? It seems very hubristic of Anselm to demand understanding of deity, and ridiculous of him to expect that one must understand said deity before one can believe in it. This is because of the reasoning that one cannot expect understanding of a thing before one is certain of that thing’s existence; we need existence of an entity before we can truly understand it, because true understanding of a thing cannot come from mere ideas about the nature of that thing.

Aquinas finds fault with Anselm, and sums up Anselm’s argument’s main problem nicely:

Yet, granted that everyone understands… this word “God”… nevertheless, it does not therefore follow that he understands that what the word signifies exists actually, but only that it exists mentally. Nor can it be argued that it actually exists, unless it be admitted that there actually exists something than which nothing greater can be thought; and this is precisely not admitted by those who hold that God does not exist. (Aq., Summa Theol., Art. 1, Repl. Obj. 2)

Another response to an error in Anselm’s logic is, “because we do not know the essence of God, the proposition is not self-evident to us,” (Aq., Summa Theol., Art. 1, Answer).

Aquinas does the best job of proving the existence of God in his five proofs, and the first of these makes the most rational sense. He states that everything that is set into motion must have been moved by some previous action, and so on back in time. However, this cannot go on infinitely, because that would mean that there was no first mover and thus that there was no beginning to movement. That is clearly not the case, as there is movement now, action and reaction now, and so there must have been a beginning.

To have a beginning, though, there must be a mover that did not require a mover itself. This mover-without-prior-mover we call God. One might ask what makes God special, and not requiring a mover Itself, but that is looking at the situation from a wrong angle: the definition of what God is said to be makes It special. It is called God precisely because It does not require a mover for It to move, precisely because It is special. If what we called God did require something to move It before It could be set into motion, then we would be mistaken in calling It God. We would apparently not have gone back far enough into the chain of movers and the objects they move. This leads to the interesting idea that if we cannot see that God exists, it is our own shortcoming, and certainly not one of God’s due to Its lack of existence.

Aquinas’ second proof is very much like his first; he seemingly only exchanges the words “mover” and “moved” for “cause” and “effect.” In his third proof, there is a small problem, and it is this: Aquinas states, “We find in nature things that are possible to be and not to be… But it is impossible for these always to exist, for that which is possible not to be at some time is not,” (Aq., Summa Theol., Art. 3, Answer). However, just because it is possible for something to happen does not mean that it must happen. The possibility is there, and so the potential for occurrence is there, but it is not a certainty that the possibility will ever be fulfilled. It is important that Aquinas is wrong in claiming what he does, for he goes on to say, “Therefore, if at one time nothing was in existence, it would have been impossible for anything to have begun to exist… which is absurd,” (Aq., Summa Theol., Art. 3, Answer). Because it is only a possibility that at one time nothing was in existence, and not a definite certainty, then the rest of his argument is null.

Aquinas’ fourth proof is not as well written as his first, but it does stand on its own. An analogy for what he seems to be claiming can be found in a set of numbers: for any given set of numbers, there must be a highest number. Even if there are several numbers of the same highest value, those several are the highest values. God can be said to be the highest value in the set of numbers that is all creation. Aquinas talks of the gradation of things, and uses the words, “less good, true, noble, and the like,” (Aq., Summa Theol., Art. 3, Answer) to describe the relationships between objects. He says that God is “something which is to all beings the cause of their being, goodness, and every other perfection,” (Aq., Summa Theol., Art. 3, Answer), i.e. the highest term in our set of numbers.

The fifth proof that Aquinas delivers is done nicely as well. Aquinas writes of beings that have no obvious intelligence and yet always they act toward the same end. Repetitively, without fail, these beings reach the same result each time they are acted upon in the same manner. (Chemical elements and their properties come to mind, for example.) Aquinas states that such order in clearly mindless entities cannot be by chance, or by any desire of the mindless entities themselves. Any direction that these entities possess must come from an intelligent being, and that being is God.

Aquinas’ argument makes sense when one considers, from what other being would such direction come? Human beings may throw together specific chemicals, but we do not make those chemicals react how they do. Since we are the most intelligent species of which we know, and we are definitely not causing particular elements to behave as they do without fail, there must be some higher power that is.

It is therefore by logical necessity that God must exist. While not all of the arguments set forth by Anselm and Aquinas were foolproof, only one good argument is necessary to prove God’s existence if that one cannot be disproved. Perhaps in the future when new discoveries come to light, we may find reasoning that can beat even the sturdiest of Aquinas’ five proofs, but for now, we must concede that God does exist, at least until we can prove It does not.

9 Apr 05 summer frettings

I started on my honors paper (due Tuesday) about the writings of Anselm and Aquinas, but more specifically, I’m to argue either that the existence of God can be proved rationally or that it cannot be proved rationally. I’m going for can, but I didn’t get further than griping about Anselm’s stupid argument this afternoon.

I’ve been feeling stressed recently because everything’s up in the air. Besides the normal worries of finals and grades, I don’t know if I’m going to be here for part of the summer, working and taking a class, or if I’ll go home at the beginning of May like everyone else. It’s kind of hinging on Dr. J’s program this summer, on whether or not he’ll have it. If he does, I’m definitely in because I should be able to profit from it, considering he’ll be paying me and I’ll be working at the same job I have now. Probably. Because I don’t know how much time that would occupy, and then the class that I would be taking (some political science course) will meet every day for two hours. I think I would have time to work a good deal, though, since I work 20 hours a week now and that’s with me only working three hours on Wednesday and none on Tuesday/Thursday. It would be great if I could get things arranged more concretely, but Dr. J just doesn’t know enough yet to tell me. I hate that, too; I like to have everything set in stone and laid out well in advance.

This bugs my parents, too, as I know they want me home for the whole summer. This would cut out May from my vacation and I’d be home a week or so into June. I think classes start again in the fall in late August, so I’d have about two months of vacation. That suits me fine, as I don’t want to be lazing around forever, though I know those two months will fly by. And heck, if this summer arrangement falls through, I may have three months off. I’d feel like a real bum, then; I haven’t had a summer off since between my sophomore and junior years in high school.

Thanks to Chris at work, I now have some new music to listen to. Namely, The Faint, Fiona Apple’s unreleased album called “Extraordinary Machine,” Tricky, and various other things. I’ve been listening to Tricky, Fiona, and The Faint non-stop, though, which is why I mention them.

New skin available; check to your right. The image was taken from sxc.hu and I fixed it up in, of course, The GIMP.

I’ve been browsing a lot since last night via Firefox’s StumbleUpon extension. I got Lora hooked up with it as I always find her visiting random sites akin to Bored.com; we’ve made good use of it. I was just deposited at Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About Anarchy (But Were Afraid To Ask) and am reading out of boredom. The idea of StumbleUpon is to, you guessed it, let you stumble upon random sites across the ‘net. Click a button on a toolbar in Firefox (the toolbar can be hidden away at the press of Ctrl-F9, too) and you’re transported. You can rate the site as well as review it, and also set up some interests so that you end up going to sites that might entertain you.

12 Apr 05 orange cats

Note: This was a dream of mine. I have this warning here because some visitors have thought my life had just gone to pot, when really they were only reading one of my crazy dreams. :)

For the past two nights, I have had nightmares revolving around an evil orange cat. The night before last, the dream involved me being at my aunt and uncle’s house; they have an orange tabby named Stretch. Well, in the dream, Stretch was evil and out to hurt me, so I killed him. I took a sledgehammer and smashed it repeatedly in his back, thus pulverizing his entire body. Surprisingly, there wasn’t any blood. This was in my aunt and uncle’s bedroom. They came to see and seemed sad; my aunt told me that Stretch hadn’t really been evil. I looked at Stretch’s body and he looked so pitiful; I wondered how I could have done that to him. I started sobbing, really breaking down, and felt terribly sad.

In last night’s dream, I was at my grandmother’s house. I had come to visit her because she was all alone; no one ever came to see her. She had black hair, when in reality, she has white, and she seemed younger. I came in the kitchen door and hung about inside for a while; it was nighttime. There was an orange cat trying to hurt me, so I was hoping I could avoid him. When I went to the bathroom, though, he was in there; I shoved him out the door and barely got the door shut again. Later, I went outside and wandered around the garden; it was surprisingly daytime again. I encountered the cat as I was heading around to the front yard. He hissed at me and we circled each other; it just felt as though he were an evil thing. I suddenly had a cast-iron skillet in my hand, so I tried to attack the cat with it. He grew younger and younger as I tried to hit him. I only landed a few blows on him, but they didn’t seem to hurt at all; he just kept hissing and dodging away.

18 Apr 05 diet time

I’m up earlier than usual this morning because I’m to meet with my calculus teacher at about 8:30 to discuss my last test grade. I’m one point away from having an A, and by God, I’m going to argue the life of me to get that one point. I also plan on getting breakfast at K-Lair on my way over, but it will be a different one than I’m used to (i.e. more yogurt, less French toast) because Trinity, Andrea, and I have decided to go on a diet. I knew I had gained weight and wanted to lose it but things were cinched for me when, last night on AIM, a guy friend of mine said, “it looks like you’ve put on some weight since last summer.” *grumbles*

Lora’s telling me some long-winded story about how she kept hitting her stuffed dog instead of her alarm clock this morning.

I’ve begun rereading Seventh Son by Orson Scott Card in his Hatrack River series. Here’s chapter one available online.

19 Apr 05 early to bed, early to rise makes a girl want some chicken strips

For some reason, I went to bed at 10:30 last night. The usual thing is for me to stay up wasting time online until I can’t justify to myself wasting any more time, and even then I don’t want to go to sleep, although it might be 2 a.m. Last night, however, I was tired early, like usual, and then I actually did something about it. Lora hit the hay at 10 and I prefer going to bed at about the same time she does, so I read for only half an hour more (Seventh Son by Orson Scott Card). Sad thing is, I’m kind of tired again right about now.

This blamed diet is not fun, especially since today is chicken strip day at K-Lair. Man, but I love their chicken strips. I contented myself to ordering a fruit salad, a banana, and yogurt there on my way back from calculus earlier. I had some kind of microwave chicken and broccoli for lunch which wasn’t bad, although while stirring I got overzealous and flung broccoli and alfredo sauce around my vicinity.

Ooh, Tina Turner is on TV. My mom loves her.

Speaking of my mother, she apparently felt like she had to redeem herself for getting me only one gift for my birthday, so she’s bought me something else and will be mailing it soon. I’m excited, about that and also because I got an A on my calc. test, an A on my honors paper, and I only have to make 88% on my economics final in order to get an A in the class. Since I have consistently gotten high B’s on my previous econ. tests, I think I’ll be fine. *scratches rib cage* Yup.

I’m already reaping the benefits of being legal: today I had to fill out some forms for summer housing, and I didn’t have to send anything to my parents because my own signature is now valid.

I plan on writing a Spanish composition this weekend about the film Mujeres al borde de un ataque de nervios, which I watched earlier this semester. That should be a piece of cake, even though I don’t remember all the details, because I’m sure I can find whatever parts I’ve forgotten somewhere online. I also need to study some calculus and write a program for CS.

Hopefully soon I can visit my cousin as this past weekend I picked out several books from my childhood for my baby cousin. Anybody else remember the Little Critter, the Berenstain Bears, or the Little Golden Books?

I don’t understand about complementary colors
And what they say
Side by side they both get white
Together they both get gray

But he’s been pretty much yellow
And I’ve been cryin’ blue
But all I can see is
Red, red, red, red, red now
What am I to do

I don’t understand about
Diamonds and why men buy them
What’s so impressive about a diamond
Except the mining

And it’s dangerous work
Trying to get to you too
And I think if I didn’t have to
Kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill myself doing it
Maybe I wouldn’t listen so much to you

I’ve been watching all the time
And I still can’t find the track
And I wanna know is it okay
Is it just fine
Was it my fault
Is it my lack

I don’t understand about
The weather outside
The harbinger to the words
That somebody lied

There’s solace a bit for submitting
To the fitfully cryptically true
What’s happened has happened
What’s coming is already on its way
With a role for me to play

I don’t understand
I’ll never understand
But I’m trying to understand
There’s nothing else I can do

– Red Red Red by Fiona Apple

20 Apr 05 los examenes y mi dieta

Hoy tuve mi examen de español y pienso que lo hice bien. Fue más fácil que los otros. También, aprendí que hice un 81% en mi examen de informática. Mientras me gustaría haber ganado un A, una B es aún más mejor que mi nota anterior en un examen de esa clase.

Me molesta que a mi compañera de cuarto no le guste que estoy a dieta porque ella dice que no estoy gorda. Yo sé que no está satisfecha con su propio peso, pero ¿hace algo? No, salvo quejarse. A mí me parece que si no estás tratando a cambiar nada, no debes quejarte. Además, ¿por qué le enfada mi dieta a ella? Solo porque quiero adelgazar… No tiene ninguna razón.

Sin embargo, mi dieta va bien. Aún no sé si he adelgazado o no, estoy segura que si continuo comiendo poco y tomando mucha agua, adelgazaré, tomando en cuenta que hago ejercicios en la misma cantidad.

Oh, faltan 5 minutos para que American Idol salga a escena.

25 Apr 05 mah po’ knee

Is anyone in need of a damaged right knee? I banged the heck out of mine earlier and now it’s quite sore. Practically useless to me, as it’s painful to bend the thing. I don’t even know how I did it, really. I was just turning to get out of my desk chair and, next thing I know, I’m clutching at my knee and moaning. Stupid hard, wooden desk…

I put a new layout up on my site tonight that took me a very short time to make. I enjoyed playing with the photo, which I got from sxc.hu, but ended up spending a good bit of time on the CSS. It looks good in Firefox and apparently decent in Opera, but I’ve yet to try it in IE.

It snowed today. Freaking snow in freaking April. Kentucky weather never makes sense. It was no less than 80° not two days ago. Mom told me that it hailed yesterday at home, too.

Finished program 5 earlier in a lot less time that I had expected; I’m feeling proud of myself. The bulk of my time was spent on writing out very easy code that I knew how to do; no really brainy ideas went into making it. Working with time and getting hours to roll over properly (instead of ending up with times like 11:60 and the like) took a bit of effort, because I’m an idiot and thus made several idiotic attempts at the problem before I saw an obvious solution. I’m glad that’s over with, as now I can focus on my two honors assignments: write a paper about some topic or other (I forget what my options are) by Thursday, and write three essays (600 words each) for my take-home final, due next Tuesday. The final is actually due next Thursday but I’ll be going home Tuesday and I know I won’t want to finish it at home and then email it to him.

I also need to study like a madwoman (do I know any other way to study? no, not really) for my calculus, CS, and economics finals. Huzzah for finals time.

« Older entries